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Saturday, April 29, 2006
1:17 PM
mwah
first, let's talk about the peta activities...
april 24...
solo performance at peta...
it was okay... i could have sung better...
april 25...
group performance...
we were supposed to be 4... one was absent...
revise script... it went fine...
april 26...
guest teacher... "dudes" ---> his/her nickname
movement.
we studied the different types of philippine theatre...
new groupings... our group: bodabil / vaude ville
april 27...
vaude ville presentation... for criticism...
we SUCKED.
april 28...
guest teacher.... don't know his/her name
movement. again... more complicated...
vaude ville presentation... rehearsals were.... HELL.
i wanted to quit... i had been thinking about it ever since wednesday...
the performance was great... the audience loved it...
*bottled up emotions*
i guess i'm not going to quit... *sigh*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
while we were watching the video about philippine theatre....
bam and i talked about.... love.
*sigh* she told me a lot of things... some things i didn't believe... couldn't believe... or didn't want to believe...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
audrey and i talked about him while we were walking...
this was after we did the methodology of our ip at yza's house... [tnx yza.. :)]
she told me some things which made me realize a lot of things...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i have an old secret...
three more people know about it...
i honestly thought that i didn't have to deal with that secret anymore...
but... i guess... *sigh*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i have a new secret...
only three people know about it...
i feel like a bitch... i don't deserve to live.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"mwah."
because of that word...
i don't know what to think anymore...
i don't know what to feel anymore...
i'm confused...
i'm depressed...
i'm suicudal...
i'm ada.
i guess this is my fate.
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
Sunday, April 23, 2006
9:39 PM
ramblings
i don't really know what to say...
i don't even know why i went to blogger, signed in, then clicked new post...
i just want to type in whatever deranged ramblings enter my very obviously disturbed mind...
*sigh*... okay... well... here goes...
i know that it's stupid to just assume something... especially when it concerns important aspects of your life...
actually... one the most important aspects of your life...
but... i just can't help it...
i really feel that... there's nothing...
no more... i'm just waiting in vain... nada... NOTHINGNESS.
i desperately hope that i'm wrong...
Lord, please let me be wrong...
i hate myself... i mean...
why must i always freakin' care too much?!?
why can't i be like him... he doesn't care...
i can feel that... [again, i hope i'm wrong...]
damn! why the phukk am i even including these in my post if i'm hoping that they're wrong?
if i don't really mean them...
*sigh*... it's because it's how i feel...
and that's why i'm crushed...
i can't understand why... i can't sleep at night without crying for about a good solid 2 hours...
at first... i felt that maybe you needed your space...
so i disappeared for a week...
then, i couldn't take it anymore... plus, i thought maybe something happened to you, churva-etchasness...
hten i found out that you were fine... i tried to contact you...
no reply.
i tried and i tried and i tried and i tried...
i tried for a week...
no reply.
i couldn't understand why...
i mean... yeah, sure... there are lots of reasons... possibilities...
but i just can't erase the assumption that... that... nada... nothing...
i don't know the truth... at least not yet...
i'm prepared for the worst... very prepared... and you know what? i'm not hoping for the best... definitely NOT. it's off of my list...
damn.
i don't want to live like this anymore...
i don't want to love like this anymore...
always afraid... always worried... always sad... always unloved...
i want what the other people have...
a love wherein the both of you actually speak with each other... wherein the girl is the girlfriend and the boy is the boyfriend... NOT the other way 'round... wherein both of you don't doubt the other... because you actually show your love...
you know what? love is more than just telling the person "i love you"...
because anyone can do that... anyone can fool another person with that crap.
you have got to show your love... first of all... DON'T ever ignore the person that you "claim" that you "love"...
if you really love the other person, the she doesn't need to schedule for a daily conversation with you...
keep the other person updated... because one day you might still love her... but the next day... *poof*!! koko krunch... then the girl is sending you msgs hoping that you still love her...
c'mon... don't make the other person look stupid...
BE SENSITIVE.
*sigh* i'm not saying that you never loved me... but hey, it could have just been crap and schit... right?
i'm sorry... it's just that...
i really feel that you're gone...
and that really sucks...
i'm not mad at you... i don't regret anything...
and believe me, i was very happy with you... despite the flaws of our relationship...
yes... WAS. because right now, i'm not really happy... i'm miserable...
because... it might be... fuch... i can't even type the phukkin' word...
it might be *insert phukkin' word* between us...
look... i'm happy when i'm with you...
when we ACTUALLY communicate with each other...
fyi: it is a two-way relationship... NOT one-way... okay? give it some thought.
*sigh*... ich liebe dich...
i'm just not sure if you still feel the same way...
and that really sucks.
damn... that's also why i'm so phukkin' mad...
not at you... slightly at me... but mostly... just simply mad...
and because of that... i'm going mad...
damn damn damn... i so wanna escape from this schittie phukkin' summer "vacation"...
fuch... i have to go...
my tears are starting to flow...
AGAIN.
[sorry about the language.]
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
12:22 AM
monologue
yes! finally!
that bucking fitch has left the country...
unfortunately... these moments of bliss in our beloved "home" will only last for a few days...
i really hate her... she even took my travelling bag...
the fitch!!! she didn't even ask for permission... she got to use it before me! >:(
damn... i hope the plane crashes... then she'll be the only one who dies!!!
then my life will be much better... mwahahahaha!!! >:D
i'm really sorry... i know that the things that i'm saying are very harsh... and mean...
but frankly, i don't bucking care!!!! i hate her... and if you knew her, you'd definitely hate her too...
anyway... on with the "monologue"!!!
i hope she dies... very soon... yes, once again... very mean...
but honestly... i know that if she dies because of a disease or something else... i wouldn't be that relieved... i'd feel much better if i killed her... oh yes... that would make me extremely happy...
i'd feel absolutely good about myself...
but i can't... not because i "love" her... i abhor that filthy excuse for a human being...
i can't because it is against God's law... and i don't want to be locked up...
but if i did do it... i shout it out to the world... it would be my proudest moment...
[oh no... i think i really am going mad... this is all her fault... i hate her.]
speaking of pride... most families say that they're so proud of their relative, someone, curva-etchas...
well... i just inserted that line so that i could talk about the "wonderful" tayao family...
oh, that's very true... we are oh so full of wonder...
it's a wonder how my father, his sister and my mother can stand that fitch...
it's a wonder how my sister and i manage to keep our sanity intact...
it's a wonder how a sister cannot forgive her own brother when you can clearly see the brother's efforts...
it's a wonder how anton can stand her oh so very irritating "perkiness"...
it's a wonder how a certain someone can show absolutely no gratitude to someone who has always taken care of her and provided her with the cooked food that she always craves for...
it's a wonder how two teenagers can feel so trapped in their own "home"...
and finally...
it's a wonder how a certain ada can talk about her family this way...
i'm sorry... but... i long for freedom...
i love my parents... but i just don't want to talk...
especially in this house... i can't express any of these to them... they'd consider me a rebel... they'd ground me... they'd send me to a rehab center... they'd try to change me... they'd try to make things better... but i don't want that... this is how things should be... i know that everyone here is eagerly waiting for that fitch's death...
my sister and i talked about the fitch once... sometimes we express our anger towards her under our breath... or behind her back...
if she would ever hear us... she'd get all emotional... cry... run away... even if she's incapable of running...
my parents know that we have problems with her...
the fitch also gets to them...
dad's sister also find her irritating... it's very evident...
she always talks about respect... about how we always disrepect her and all of that sChit...
but you know what?
she should also learn a thing or two or a trillion about respect...
i hate her.
my love life is... well... i don't even know if i still have one... so that's strike one...
my school life is... well... right now i don't have a school life... takes a bit of the pressure off...
my family life is... CRAP... that's strike two...
i haven't struck out... well... at least, not YET...
that sucks.
i've lost hope...
for my love life... and for this "family"...
thank God for PETA and UP...
well... i must leave...
i might be back with more thoughts from my shattered heart and demented mind...
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
Saturday, April 22, 2006
5:07 PM
PeTa / ...
april 19...
daming activity... masaya...
may bagong klasmeyt...
gumawa kmi ng kanta... kami ang "du bi du" group.. haha...
dubidubidu bidubidu dubidubidu bidubidu
kaming mga taga-teatro
hangad ay entablado
kami'y gumawa ng kwento
linagyan pa ng tono
kami'y walang sinasanto
saksakan kami ng galing
kaya naming lumipad sa hangin
ng hindi bumabagsak
*blag!!!*
palilipasin ang topak sa mga ulo
at lalakas ang buto-buto
*************************
mundo sa teatro ay malalasap
param param param parammmmmmm
haha.. aun ung kanta nmin... ung "************..." ay linyang ndi ko na maalala... :)
ung isang line naka-bold kasi yan lng ung na-contribute ko sa kanta.. hahaha!!
may matching sayaw pa yan!! ;)
april 20...
nanood kmi ng "zsa zsa zaturnnah ze muzikal"...
asteeg nung play... ganda nung mga kanta... kakatawa... kakatuwa...
tpos... pngalan pa nung lead actor/actress na BADING ay ADA... hahaha!!
may salon pa cya... "Ada's".... tpos... may something beauty na nkasulat sa ilalim.. hehehe...
na-feel ko nman ang kabadingan.. haha... :D
april 21...
kakapagod... daming activity.. haha...
pero masaya nman... may bagong klasmeyt ulit...
kamukha ni alain... mas matangkad lng nd mas maputi...
una, puro physical activities... tpos... sigawan... hahaha...
ang saya saya... :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
uki... eto nman ung "..."...
april 19...
...
april 20...
...
april 21...
...
it really hurt...
...
it was even worse...
...
but after that...
...
i felt great...
...
i felt better...
...
i thought i was better...
...
april 22...
...
i woke up...
...
i still felt great...
...
then...
...
i cried...
...
now...
...
i feel great...
...
i really do...
...
i think.
...
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
11:23 AM
kahapon...
umaga...
inayos ko na mga kuko ko sa kanang kamay... kelangang maayos ang hugis...
tpos... punta sa dentist...
tpos...
u.p....
antay ng onti... basa ng libro...
tpos.. ndi pla sa aha 1 ung klase...
okie, lipat sa rm sa baba... tsk tsk.. ang bigat p nman nung dala-dala ko...
aun.. tinulungan ako ni peter.. [haha... ndi ko manlng ginalang... geh... TEACHER peter nlang...]
tpos... nakasalubong nmin c TEACHER barney... hehe...
aun... check nung sa "somewhere in time"... tpos.. binigyan nia ako ng mga bagong piyesa...
tpos.. maaga ntapos ung klase ni ate.. edi ndi na ako nagantay dun ng hanggang 5..
[sencya tlga audrey.. sa thurs tlga.. promise.. ] ;)
pagkauwi.. kain... handa para sa theatre...
tpos... punta na dun!!
ang layo nung parking lot ng peta [philippine educational theatre association]
hmm.. not sure if education or educational... most probably educational...
tpos... aun.. orientation... chuva...
may kaklase ako na kamukha ni "glamour boi"..
haha.. kung kilala nio man cya.. ;)
c ate.. sa basic acting class..
ako, sa creative music theatre...
tae, sa production pala nmin... kmi ung gagawa ng lahat!!
as in script, kanta, sayaw.... wahaw...
tpos.. manonood kmi ng technical dress rehearsal ng musical play...
aus kasi libre.. dpat kpag show na mismo... P600-P700 ung tickets...
tpos... hmm...
basta...
ndi ko nlang isasama un dito...
un na un...
......
haay...
......
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
Monday, April 17, 2006
9:20 PM
SiLeNcE
umaga...
net...
ym...
zuma...
na-late ako sa meeting..
sori grpmates..
tpos... aun.. meeting na...
mcdo...
fund-raising chuva...
hehe...
pinaalis kmi... subtlely...
;)
foodcourt...
tinuloi ang usapan...
tpos... ink testing hunting...
after nun, balik sa mcdo...
nagtago na kmi.. ;)
tpos.. aun na...
SiLeNcE.
tops... nakatayo n rin ung grupo...hehe...
humiwalay kmi ni armin... pangya!
tpos... lumibot nlang kmi kasi mraming tao dun...
nakasalubong nmin c cj...
tpos... balik sa pangya para i-meet ang beloved grpm8s...
SiLeNcE. [part 2] hehe.. ;)
tpos.. nagsiuwian na rin...
ndi na nakapaglaro ng pangya c armin.. haha..
sinamahan muna ako ni jhobilee khit sabi ko wag na...
tpos... umuwi na cya.. mineet ko ung ate at nanay ko...
pagkatapos nmin kumain...
pagkalabas na pagkalabas nmin sa kainan...
nakita nmin ni ate c yael...
napakagulo ng buhok.. ala lng.. hehe.. ndi nmin maintindihan ung "hairstyle" nia... baka disguise... hehe...
nakapurple cya... tpos.. may kasama cya.. ndi ko kilala.. hehe..
tpos...
binilhan ako ni mommy ng album ni barbie..
yehey!! :D
nakakaadeek... :)
tpos... uwi...
pinakinggan ko agad ung cd...
net...
aun...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i have got to stop overthinking.
*sigh*
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
12:23 PM
hmm...
bkit kaya?
ndi ko tlga alam..
wala tlga eh..
haay...
isip-isip..
pero alam ko na ang dapat kong gawin.. ay wag masyadong pag-isipan..
haay..
hmm...
???
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
Saturday, April 15, 2006
7:21 PM
clarifications...
clarify ko lng..
ung nasa pic ng aking skin...
"i wish i never met you...
i wish i never noticeD you..."
i don't feel that way...
uki?
uki...
;)
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
7:12 PM
7 days..
sunday = 1
monday = 2
tuesday = 3
wednesday = 4
thursday = 5
friday = 6
saturday = 7
wala.
ndi ko alam kung bkit... pero...
wala.
=:::(
niwei..
kwento nlang ako...
sunday..
aun nga.. recital ni franco...
masaya...
pero kulang.
monday... tuesday...
bonding kaming magkakapatid...
masaya...
pero kulang.
wednesday.... thursday...
family bonding...
choir practice...
choir bonding...
masaya...
pero kulang.
friday...
sama-sama nanaman ang choir...
"joemar's house of beauty" haha...
dota sa bahay nila tito jom...
ndi ko na tinapos... haha... tinamad...
masaya... kahit papano...
pero kulang.
ngaun...
ala...
aus ng gamit...
laro ng point and click games...
net, net , net...
masaya...
masaya?
ndi eh...
kulang. sobrang kulang. [oxymoron]
ano na ba balita?
ndi ko alam eh.
haay...
i'm still thankful Lord...
ndi ko alam kung bakit...
basta...
patulong nlang Panginoon...
salamat po...
\\~...~//
[[...[[...[[...[[...[[...]]...]]...]]...]]...]]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
i really hate *..............................*
*sigh*
ndi 'to xientian...
ndi 'to shsian...
ndi 'to BHC member...
wala dun.
basta...
ndi ko alam kung hanggang kelan ko pa 'to matitiis...
c *.............................*
at ung kulang.
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
Friday, April 14, 2006
9:07 PM
elo!
haha.. la lng..
andito ako sa bahay ni tito joemar!! :D
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
Monday, April 10, 2006
12:52 PM
ang init!!!
la lng..
mainint nman tlga eh..
hehe.. napaka.. haay..
friday..
pumunta dito c jhon..
tinuruan ko maggitara..
hmm.. hehe.. masaya nman...
naiwan ni jhon ung "notes" nia..
tpos... 1hr & 15 mins..
masaya.. hehe..
ka-corny-han...
inantok.. kasi nman.. alas dos na natulog.. hehe...
saturday...
labas mode...
kain mode...
taba mode...
sandali lng..
nakakapanibago...
sunday...
handa ng pagkain para sa recital ni franco... mode...
haha...
asteeg tlga c franco.. napakagaling maggitara...
hmm.. ung 1st 3 lng na piyesa ung ndi ko lam..
pero lahat un ndi ko lam tugtugin.. haha..
ndi PA.. nako.. asa pa ako.. hehe...
pwede na maging "caterers" ung bungang himig choir..
haha.. kaso.. limited lng ung patatas.. sa amin na ung iba!!
haha.. ang chalap kasi eh.. lagi la pag may dip...
mmmm... chalap... :P~
tpos.. nakita ko c beloved teacher barney...
cyempre.. cya rin teacher ni franco eh..
hehe.. aun..
aun..
un..
salamat ulit Panginoon...
aun...
un...
la na akong masabi... [maliban dito...]
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
Thursday, April 06, 2006
8:31 PM
tae.
kakapagod ung araw na 'to...
bili ng materials para sa atw project...
lakad... init..
inatake kmi sa puso sa mercury.. haha..
P1000+?!?! NOOOOOO!!!
buti nlang mabait c kuya.. hehe...
naging P400+ nlang... nyahaha...
daan sa circle c... palamig muna...
"LIE WITH ME" hahahahaha... >:)
tpos... daan sa cherry para sa vco...
"Hot Loops" hahahaha... >:)
tpos sa jeep.. may sticker... "Fuchs"
kain sa seven eleven...
"HOT HOT HOT" hahahahahaha... >:)
tpos... "Mexican" hahahaha... >:)
wahehe.. sabi ni jhon.. ganap na convict na daw ako...
REFILL!!! hahahaha... >:)
daan kayna yza... salamat sa bolpen!! :D
tnong tnong sa mga tindahan pra sa ibang materials..
ala.. ang tagapagligtas nmin... dating school ni jhon..
yeah!! hehe...
tpos... pahinga...
dota...
galing ni armin at jhon!! haha..
pero talo kmi ni armin kay jhon..
hahaha... :))
tpos...
uwi na c armin...
sinamahan ako ni jhon pbalik sa sm..
pahinga.. inom sa foodcourt..
daan kayna audrey... tulog daw...
balik sa sm... inom ulit...
tom's world...
tpos...
uwian na...
~~~~~~~~
tae. badtrip dito sa bahay...
bkit?
una, ate.. tpos.. nanay...
tae.
pasencya ka na rap...
oo.. mataray ako...
sencya na tlga..
eh kasi...
tae tlga eh. tae.
~~~~~~~~~
tae.
>:(
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
7:46 PM
summer na tlga...
april 3....
okie nman grades...
tumaas... buti nman... :)
tpos... kala ko... wala nanaman...
bad trip... andun daw sa mcdo... alis dun... iwas...
ndi ako makalakad...
c aryen.... sinubukan akong kumbinsihin...
ndi gumana... papunta na ako sa sakayan...
nagtxt c jhon...
hinhanap daw ako...
balik sa sch... andun nga...
oober galit ako...
n.r.
tae. gusto ko na mamatay nun... [lagi nman eh..]
napatawa nia ako... okie na...
waahh tae. mamimiss kita... *big hug*
tapak sapatos... nyahehe... agawan ng bubog...
sabay lakad...
phone ni aldrin... late na cya..
ako na bahala... tpos.... mas na-late cya...
cya rin nagbalik... hehe... "pesteng recognition"
kahapon...
boring. halos buong araw magkatxt...
bagal magrep.. hehe...
selos... tae.
nga pla.. nanalo team nila daddy sa badminton...
yey!! congrats dad.. :)
today...
enroll sa peta...
musical theatre... yey!!
unti-unting natutupad ang mga pangarap ko...
maraming salamat po Panginoon... :D
tae. pinakanta pa ako knina...
happy birthday to you.................
tpos... vocalization...
tpos... imitate the 5 notes that i play...
medyo nanginig boses ko... nyahaha....
aun...
selos pa ba ako?
ewan.. ndi na cguro...
basta... asong mas tae sa akin...
mamimiss kita... sooooobra....
pina-iral mo kagabi ang pagka-selosa ko ah.. tsk tsk... hehe...
uki lang... i'm over it...
ich liebe dich... :)
thanks for everything Lord... :)
naiintindihan ko na.. :)
summer na tlga...
mukha nmang magiging masaya...
pero... mamimiss tlga kita...
tae. ang kulit ko...
uki.. ung lng... babayooosh... :)
congrats pla sa may bagong violin...
asteeg... :D
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
Sunday, April 02, 2006
5:26 PM
fuch...
i am so freakin' pissed off...
*sigh*
you know what?
never mind.
if you're not capable of doing that for me...
then you don't really care.
if your actions are so limited that you're only capable of doing that and nothing more...
then i don't even know why i bothered wasting my time.
why you bothered wasting your time.
~ life sucks. ~ if you don't die... ~ life sucks some more. ~
FUCH.
...the end...
________________________________________________________________________________
