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Saturday, July 29, 2006
8:59 PM
no one.. nowhere..
no one. there was no one to talk to.
she sat there. all alone.
lost in her thoughts. drowning in them.
there were so many things in her mind. so many thoughts.
thoughts. problems. frustrations. emotions.
emotions that she just couldn't express anymore.
most of her was still numb. she still hardly felt any emotion.
she was lost in this nowhere.
and no one could find her.
find me in this nowhere i'm finding myself in...
that was the only thought that she was focusing on.
the only thought that was keeping her from being mad.
the only thought that was still keeping her stable.
the only thought that kept her from breaking down.
no one could find her. so she tried to find someone.
she thought she saw someone. but no one was there.
so she sang to herself:
find me in this nowhere i'm finding myself in.
find me so i can be free.
freedom from these chains.
freedom from this pain.
so won't you come and save me, help me and
find me in this nowhere i'm finding myself in.
...the end...
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10:23 AM
tagalog muna..este, taglish..
hmm.. taglish post muna..
lagi nlang ako nag-eenglish.. dpat medyo magpaka-pinoi nman.. medyo lng.. hehe.. :)
haay.. ang dami ng nagbago.. sobra..
ayoko na isa-isahin.. masyadong mrami..
aus na ako.. manhid prin ba?
medyo cguro.. pero kahit papano nakararamdam prin..
saya, lungkot, galit, takot.. medyo lng..
haaii.. la na akong msabi..
kasi.. ala lng.. mga sekreto eh..
ung isa, 2 lng nkakaalam..
ung isa, mga 10? ewan..
ung isa, ndi masyadong mrami..
hmm.. un lng cguro..
wahehe.. napakawalang kwenta kong mag-update..
niwei.. salamat po ulit sa lahat Panginoon.. :)
babayoosh sa inio.. God bless.. :)
[halos ndi taglish ah.. hehe.. :)]
...the end...
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Tuesday, July 25, 2006
7:37 PM
thank you.. :)
thanks for always being there for me.
especially just a while ago.
you're always there.
especially during the darkest times of my life.
without you, i don't know what i'd do.
and i know we may not mean it like how it usually means, but we both feel it.
it's a different kind of "it". a much better kind.
and so, here's my reply to what you said:
i love you too. :)
you're such a dear friend to me.
i know i can get through this.
you're the best. :)
~ for God. and God's blessing to me. ~
...the end...
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Monday, July 24, 2006
6:13 PM
God. :)
friday..
it was one of the happiest days of her life.
she fell in love with God.
"All of us have an eternal void in our heart. And nothing can fill that empty space, because it is infinite. We must put something in that void, something which is also eternal. And that, is God."
:) ~ Barbie Almalbis-Honasan~
God sent her a sign. she still doesn't know what it means.
but she knows that God is about to do something for her.
saturday..
they watched a play.
she remembered the PETA days.
oh, how she misses those days.
"t-shirt only." :)
they had a meeting at their house.
she really enjoyed having some of her friends over.
sunday..
she was a little weirded out by some of the things that someone said.
not a scientian.
that night, it was just like the good old days.
the only difference was that something was replaced with something equally beautiful.
she thought her day would be fine.
she became very frustrated and angry.
she does not wish to go into detail.
monday..
just an ordinary day.
[btw, happy birthday to your sister. :)]
~~~
how is she?
how is she feeling?
she's fine.
she's okay.
is she happy?
i guess so.
why?
because of someone.
who?
God. :)
...the end...
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Thursday, July 20, 2006
8:09 PM
barely...
"ada... ada..."
someone was waking her up. she tried to open her eyes.
she barely could.
oh no. time for school. again.
she tried to sit up just to show that she was already awake.
she barely could.
it was as if a heavy sack was on her chest. she knew that it was going to be a lonely day.
seeing that she was trying to sit up, the person who was waking her up left the room.
she lied down again.
she fell asleep.
"ada... ada..."
someone was waking her up. she tried to open her eyes.
she barely could.
oh no. time for school. again.
she tried to sit up just to show that she was already awake.
she barely could.
it was as if a heavy sack was on her chest. she knew that it was going to be a lonely day.
seeing that she was trying to sit up, the person who was waking her up left the room.
she lied down again.
she ALMOST fell asleep AGAIN.
but she forced herself to stand up.
she barely could.
but she eventually did.
she heaved a sigh. a heavy sigh.
a sigh of pain and loneliness.
she went down to get ready for school.
as she was waiting for the school service to come, she sat alone in the living room.
she stared blankly into space and wished that everything would just fade away.
*honk! honk!*
she quickly grabbed her bag. it was as if she was desperate to leave the house.
school. hell.
she felt that her eyes were puffy. she looked in the mirror.
they were. oh well.
her best(guy)friend went to their classroom.
she was happy to see him.
they were supposed to talk. he was supposed to help her. or at least comfort her.
but there were too many people. they wouldn't dare discuss it with all of those people around.
he had to go. he promised that they would talk later. she forced a smile.
she barely could.
then she waved goodbye.
classroom. the core of hell.
she could no longer fight back the tears.
she isolated herself and let her true feelings out.
time to go.
she was still feeling anti-social.
but she couldn't show that to her classmates.
she faked a smile and some laughs.
she barely could.
when they reached their destination, she was starting to feel better.
although not particularly well enough to fully enjoy the day.
their school won. a moment of joy and excitement.
yet melancholy still remained.
they ate lunch. she felt okay.
they went around the mall.
then, time to go back to hell.
school. hell. no, school. HELL.
she fell asleep during the trip back to hell. school. hell. no, school. HELL.
she had already used up most of her energy trying to fake happiness.
the smiles, the laughs, the enthusiasm.
all fake.
except for the moment of triumph of their hell. school. hell. no, school. HELL.
the core of hell. again.
she was bored. she was lonely.
she had no one to talk to.
everyone else was busy.
dismissal.
she wasn't feeling well. emotionally.
she was sad and angry. someone made her angrier.
she let out all of the anguish and frustration that she was trying so hard not to show.
as it turns out, she barely could.
actually, she couldn't.
she tortured herself. she punished herself.
then, she spoke with her bestfriend.
she felt a little better, though still very troubled.
he helped her a lot. she thanked him.
she stopped at the stairs.
she thought about jumping.
she stopped herself from doing so.
but she barely could.
she went upstairs.
she spoke with her classmate.
she felt better. mentally. he helped her with an application problem.
the trip back to the house. semi-hell.
at first, she was irritable. very irritable.
but her friends there cheered her up. for awhile.
it didn't last very long but she still continued to laugh and smile.
she barely could.
semi-hell. she went about her daily routine.
after that..
multiple cuts on her wrist.
two cuts on her arm.
she tried to stop herself.
but she barely could.
actually, she couldn't.
because she never did try to stop herself.
she's trying to live.
she's trying to survive.
she's trying.
but..
she barely can.
...the end...
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Wednesday, July 19, 2006
8:28 PM
two words.
someone asked her to do something.
it was very simple.
well, simple to say.
two words. two simple words.
at first, she thought, this is going to be difficult.
i can't do it.
it's too complicated.
turns out, she was able to do it very easily.
or was she?
she thought she was.
but as it turns out, she wasn't able to do the task at all.
well, not yet.
two words. two simple words.
that complicated, unaccomplished task still on her list.
*sigh*
how could that person ask her to do such task?!
even that person wouldn't be able to do it if they traded places.
two words. two little words. two simple words.
one extremely difficult, complicated, and painful task.
may God have mercy on her soul.
...the end...
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Friday, July 14, 2006
11:04 PM
this is the story of a girl...
[sencya minay.. tinatamad akong gawin un.. pero BAKA gawin ko prin.. hehe.. ;)]
~~~~~~~~~
she was young. too young.
far too young to feel love. but she didn't feel that way.
she thought that what she felt was already love.
and so, she those three words to a boy.
i love you.
but it was a mistake. a huge mistake.
a mistake that broke the boy's heart.
because as soon as she said those three words, the feeling vanished.
and she left. she left him all alone. alone and broken-hearted.
time passed.
she matured. now, she wasn't too young to fall in love.
she met another boy. this time, her feelings for this boy were much deeper.
the boy told her that he also liked her. but he didn't show it.
but still, she believed him. how pathetic.
then, she saw the broken-hearted boy. she remembered how he never hurt her.
she started to like him again. but there was already a new boy.
so she disregarded those feelings. she erased them from her heart.
how pathetic.
the girl fell in love with the boy. the boy fell in love with the girl.
they said those three words to each other.
i love you.
they were happy. but then, the boy changed.
he started ignoring the girl. they spoke with each other less often.
the girl didn't know why. she started to doubt.
then everything went back to normal.
at least, that's what the girl thought.
the boy clearly didn't really love the girl. but the girl refused to believe in such things.
the girl still loved the boy. the boy never really loved the girl.
eventually, the boy left the girl.
traumatized, confused and broken-hearted.
she vowed to never love again. but someone came along. and healed her wounds.
it was the broken-hearted boy. the broken-hearted girl's feelings for the broken-hearted boy started to come back.
time passed.
the broken-hearted girl and the broken-hearted boy spoke with each other.
the broken-hearted boy said something. it made the broken-hearted girl angry.
time passed.
the broken-hearted girl told the broken-hearted boy that everything was fine.
she was no longer mad at him. but the broken-hearted boy continued to avoid her.
the broken-hearted girl hated the broken-hearted boy.
then, someone came along. someone unexpected.
someone who had never fallen in love. yes, another boy.
this boy was different. he was not the type who would spend time with a girl that he liked.
yes, WAS.
time passed.
the girl was no longer broken-hearted.
she was happy. the boy was happy.
they were happy.
but did they love each other? they didn't know.
they didn't dare discuss such topics.
the girl wanted to fall in love. she wanted to fall in love with the boy.
but there was a problem.
she had forgotten how to fall in love.
although she knew that her heart was no longer broken, it seemed that she was afraid.
afraid to get hurt again. afraid to trust another boy with her heart.
afraid that she might be wrong again.
she still had feelings. she felt anger, joy, melancholy and the like.
oh yes, she felt those feelings.
but her heart didn't.
her heart had stopped feeling.
before, it was bursting with emotions.
now, it was as if it stopped beating.
a different kind of fear emerges.
she's afraid that she might hurt the boy.
she's sfraid that she'll never fall in love with him.
she's afraid that he might have to go through what she did.
the joy. the bliss. the pain. the torture. the goodbye.
one day, the girl spoke with a boy.
he was just a friend. they talked about feelings. about love.
the girl became more confused.
the girl and the boy always spent time with each other.
they were happy. they had no problems with each other.
but they weren't in love.
not yet.
someone told the girl a secret. something that made her even happier.
but it also made her more confused.
she keeps on asking herself.
how do i fall in love?
then, one day. she starts to feel a familiar feeling.
like someone pinched her heart. it was starting to feel again.
although most of it was still numb.
she tried to understand what she was feeling.
was it love?
perhaps. but it wasn't LOVE.
it was just love.
no not even love.
just..."l".
the girl still needed time.
and the boy gave her time.
time passed.
the girl still needs time.
and the boy is still giving her time.
time does not exist.
existence is temporary.
but love isn't.
love transcends through time.
time does not exist.
[and so on...]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nakanaman da post of mine!! haha..
la lng.. may mga napuntahan kasi akong mga blog na tlgang may theme ung mga post nila..
kumbaga story tlga..
sinubukan ko lng.. hehe.. :)
...the end...
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Sunday, July 09, 2006
5:15 PM
:)
tagal ko ng ndi nag-uupdate..
hmm.. ano bang sasabihin ko?
ano bang ikwekwento ko?
wala eh.. :)
haha.. basta.. aus ang buhay ko ngaun.. :)
God bless.. :D
...the end...
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Saturday, July 01, 2006
8:14 PM
hmm...
am i happy?
of course.
i'm no longer mad at "x".
~~~
we're fine. :) [iba yan ah.. ndi na yan kay "x"..]
am i depressed? am i still heartbroken?
nope.
i'm happy.
but.. something's wrong..
something's wrong with me.
i have to fix it.
it's not right.
*sigh*
something has to be done.
i have to do something about it.
i'm the only one who can fix it.
if i can't...
no one can.
[waw.. ang drama.. haha!]
...the end...
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