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Sunday, February 25, 2007
6:35 PM
mom's right.. (T_T)
my mom's right..
i have changed.. and it sucks. :'(
i always saw myself as the type of person, or should i say "lover", who was always able to give back the same amount of love that the other person gave me.. maybe even more..
but now.. i've realized that i'm no longer that person..
yes, i have to admit it.. my "bad habit" is actually starting destroy me.. ruin my life.. take over my personality..
to you:
i'm really sorry.. i've hurt you loads of times and yet, you're still here.. you're still with me.. i really think that i don't deserve someone as forgiving as you..
*oh the drama!!*
you're my angel..
and i love you..
and i'm very thankful that God gave you to me..
i'm sorry about everything..
especially the past week.. it was an emotional roller coaster..
:'(
i'll make it up to you..
to all of you..
to my friends:
i'm really sorry.. `coz i know i've been very irritable this week..
a lot of things have just been really stressing me out..
to my family:
i don't know what to say to you guys..
maybe i should apologize to you guys too..
but you should also apologize to me..
i'm not the only one who's changed..
we've all changed..
ever since lolo died.. we haven't been a real "family"..
*sigh*
i guess i really do need you and You..
especially now.. :'(
to God:
Lord, You don't know how sorry i am..
well, of course You do.. but.. *sigh* You know what i mean..
i'm really sorry because i broke my promise to You.. over and over again..
i'll do my best to keep it this time..
to you (again):
i'm really sorry because i almost broke my promiseS to you.. :'''''''(
don't worry.. i plan on keeping it this time..
jessa:
thanks for everything..
and sorry about last night.. :(
*sigh*
help me....
(T_T)
...the end...
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Thursday, February 22, 2007
10:32 PM
walang kwenta ang post na 'to..
bakit nga ba ganun noh?
haay.. masyadong mabilis ang mga pangyayari.. masyadong mabilis ang buhay..
ang mga akala ko noong ndi na magbabago, unti-unting nawawala na sa akin..
ang mga bagay na ndi ko aakalaing kaya kong gawin, ay ginawa ko na..
bakit ba lagi nlang ganito?
ewan ko ba..
ang gulo..
sana talaga maintindihan mo ako..
para sau nman 'to eh..
sus, kung para sakin lng, ndi ko un ginawa..
kaso mas mahalaga ka.. kaya aun..
haay.. nakakalungkot nga lng..
i hope someday u can find some way to understand i'm only doing this for u.. i don't really wanna go but deep in my heart i know this is the kindest thing to do.. u'll find someone who'll be the one that i could never be..
cguro tatanggihan mo yan.. pero..
totoo yan eh..
sabi ko nga sau knina.. ayaw mo lng aminin sa sarili mo..
haay.. ang hirap nman nito..
as i erased your messages one by one.. tears started streaming down my face.. it was the most painful thing to do.. to force myself to slowly erase you from my life..
mahirap din 'to para sa akin at hindi ko rin nman alam kung ano na ung mga mangyayari sa atin..
bahala na..
ewan ko..
ayoko na ng ganito.. haay..
...the end...
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Sunday, February 18, 2007
9:10 PM
payo..
dahil malungkot ako, magtatagalog ako..
hmm.. kwento kwento kwento..
aun.. halos buong linggo ako sa sala natulog..
kakapagod ung rehearsals eh..
tpos.. nu pa ba?
dami nanamang nangyari ngaung linggo..
lunes..
badtrip ung stat..
war.. isnab..
martes..
peace..
cut!!
war nanaman..
punch punch punch..
break..
waaaaaag..
edi wag.
miyerkules..
peace..
hilo.. gutom..
ang daming taooooooo!!!!
jollibee..
huwebes..
la akong maalala.. hehe..
biyernes..
lakad..
cyberzone..
daddy..
teenage mutant ninja turtles..
silence.....
sabado..
iyak..
kababawan ko..
war?
punch punch punch..
peace!!
calendarrrrr!!! :D
aun..
senxa na kung ang gulo magkwento..
kung pagkwekwento man ang matatawag mo dun..
aun lng..
bbye!
___________________________________________________________________
sayo:
wag mong pansinin ung mga taong gumagawa ng mga storya tungkol sau.. lalo na kung walang katotohanan dun sa mga cnasabi nila..
sabi sakin ng adviser ko nung grade 6 ako, inggit lng ung mga un.. pabayaan mo clang pahiyain ang sarili nila..
cguro nga totoo un..
heartthrob ka.. natural na maraming magseselos kaya nila cguro naicpang gawin un.. cla lng ang mapapahiya kasi cla ang nagkakalat ng kasinungalingan..
wag mo nlang cla pansinin.. they don't deserve your tears..
la clang kwenta.. basta, ang importante.. alam mong ndi un totoo at nandyan parin ang mga kaibigan mo na alam mong ndi paniniwalaan ang mga ganung bagay..
at sayo nman:
kaya mo rin yan.. alam kong mahirap sa ngaun pero kakayanin mo yan..
cguro sobrang nasaktan ka nung nakita mo un.. mlamang ndi ka sanay na sa iba nia ginagawa un.. i mean, ung iba ung kasama nia.. ung kinakausap nia ng matagal..
ganun tlga.. sariwa pa ang mga sugat..
payo ko lng sayo.. kung gusto mo na tlga makalimot, sabihin mo sa mga kaibigan mo.. kahit ndi sakin.. basta dpat may masabihan ka ng mga naiicp mo.. mga nararamdaman mo..
cguro iniicp mo na kapag iniwasan ung topic na un, mawawala nlang..
ndi ganun un.. ilabas mo na lahat.. pigain mo sarili mo sa kakakwento tungkol dun..
cguro sa una iicpin mong ndi effective kasi lagi mong naiicp.. laging napapag-usapan..
pero magsasawa ka rin.. basta dapat wala kang idedeny..
tanggapin mo ung mga nararamdaman mo tlga.. at tutulungan ka nlang ng mga kaibigan mo na ipaglaho ung mga nararamdaman mo kung un ang gusto mong mangyari o kung un ang dapat na mangyari..
alam ko nman kasi na ayaw niniong 2 ung nangyari at nangyayari ngaun eh..
kung naintindihan mo yan.. edi kasama ka sa mga binibigyan ko ng payo..
sana mabasa niniong 2..
___________________________________________________________________
sa totoo lng.. kelangan ko rin ng payo ngaun.. pero aus lng yan.. ndi nman ganun ka-seryoso ung problema ko eh..
nakakalungkot lng tlga..
geh.. bbye na tlga..
...the end...
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Saturday, February 10, 2007
4:48 PM
p.s.
sa mga ndi ko nasayaw na dapat isasayaw ako..
sori.. psenxa na.. may next pa nman eh..
naiintindihan nio nman cguro ako.. :)
aun lng po.. hehe.. pahabol lng.. :D
...the end...
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1:47 PM
"prom hangover.."
yes indeed.. i do have a prom hangover..
i had so much fun last night..
"it was the best night of my life.."
nothing went according to plan..
a lot of things went wrong..
and there were some parts that i didn't enjoy..
it was PERFECT. :)
yes.. even though
- my "beautification" was crammed because of this guy at the salon who had black hair but still wanted to dye his hair black. (stupid guy.)
- i left my stub at home. (stupid me. good thing our house is just 5 mins. away from the venue.)
- i had a migraine while waiting in line for the registration because of the ever so bright flashes of the cameras. (stupid sudden flashes of light.)
- my curly hair was no longer curly by the time we were dancing because as i said before, my "beautification" was crammed. (stupid guy who already has black hair but still wants to dye his hair black because of his girlfriend who probably doesn't even care about his stupid hair color.)
- a lot of guys unintentionally bumped into me when we were dancing and i almost lost my balance. (stupid lack of space.)
- my gown was on way too tight. (stupid fats. yeah, i know. i'm fat.)
- iya's hair hit my eyes while she was dancing. (stupid.... NOTHING! haha..)
- i had an instantaneous migraine "attack" so we had to sit down. (stupid migraine.)
- i thought he wouldn't come back in time for the last dance. (stupid time. why must time fly when i'm having so much fun?)
- they turned the lights on during the last last dance. (stupid person/s who turned the lights on. or better yet, stupid person/s who told the stupid person/s who turned the lights on to turn the lights on.)
- i didn't get to "slap" him. (stupid... erhmm.. ... nothing.. :D)
- i didn't get to meet his dad. (maybe next time.)
everything about last night was still perfect.. :)
why wouldn't it be? after all
- my ever so dear iyalabs waited for me for about half an hour (?) before she registered. (thank you iyalabs.)
- my ever so dear iyalabs accompanied me while i waited for my parents to bring the stub. (thank you iyalabs. pa-rents are... the best.)
- i was able to take a lot of pictures. (ahh.. wonderful memories.)
- the food was great. (mmm... yummy!!)
- i was able to dance and not care about how i looked. (although i know that i looked like a buffoon.)
- i saw him dance. (we looked like buffoons. haha.)
- i learned how to slow dance. (we're fast learners. ;))
- i actually felt really pretty last night. (just last night. haha.)
- i had a lot of fun last night. (why wouldn't i? i was with him most of the time.)
- iya and i were able to dance "toogsh-toogsh" dance.
- nothing embarrassing happened to me. (thank God. :))
- he was my first and last dance for the night. (yey. :D)
how i wish i could turn back time..
everything was just so wonderful, so great, so fantastic, so...
PERFECT. :)
*sigh*
i'm being repetitive..
it's just that..
it really was the best night of my life..
i know that next year won't be as much fun without you..
it won't be the same..
maybe i won't even go anymore..
not without you there..
anyway, just go with the flow..
thank You so0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o much for everything Lord..
i love you Lord..
:)
i love you zion.. :)
thanks for everything..
you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. :)
...the end...
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Friday, February 09, 2007
1:08 PM
pppprrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmm...
prom na mmya.. heeheehee..
la lng..
excited na ako..
sana maging masaya..
:D
...the end...
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Tuesday, February 06, 2007
7:40 PM
you are loved (don't give up)
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I, I will lift it for you
Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I, I will break it for you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved
Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
(you guys don't even the half of it... gosh, i've been keeping a lot of things inside since i was in elem...)
When you're lost inside
I, I'll be there to find you
Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I, I will shine to guide you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved
You are loved
(Aaaah)
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Everyone needs to be heard
You are loved
obviously, i've listened to the whole song..
...the end...
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7:24 PM
don't give up....
i know.
i admit it.
i am pessimistic.
no, VERY pessimistic.
but because God has already given me so much, i've been trying to be optimistic.
i've been trying my best. i've been trying really hard.
but it NEVER works out.
i just can't get it.
i hate being pessimistic.
but thinking that i'll never succeed in anything actually makes me succeed in a lot of things.
and now that i'm doing my best to be a positive thinker, nothing great is really happening to me (well, aside from him).
sure, my grades are improving, but that's because:
1. i worked my butt off to get those grades because i wanted to prove to "a certain someone" that he is not a distraction.
and
2. i am a pessimist when it comes to grades.
*sigh*
isn't life just so pathetically ironic?
i don't know how to think anymore. [and if you're thinking that i can't think anymore, haha. that's very funny... NOT.]
i mean, i don't want to be a negative thinker anymore, but being a positive thinker makes my life suck.
argh!! this is so irritatingly confusing.
here i go again.
tsk tsk tsk...
i'm thinking too much.
even this has to stop.
so, i have to stop my being pessimistic and my stupid habit of overthinking.
you know what?
i give up.
i know that i definitely don't want my life to suck.
so i'll just have to be a pessimist.
[oh how ironic is this..
as i was typing "i give up.", Josh Groban's You Are Loved (Don't Give Up) plays on the radio..
i didn't hear the whole song, but of all the songs...
WHY THAT ONE???
why did it have to be the song that he sang to me when i was practically sawing my hand off..?
why did it have to be the song that he sang to me when i was planning "the end"?
why that one...?]
life is truly ironic...
so, God... what do you want me to do now?
just keep on doing what i'm doing right now?
do you want me to just keep hiding everything?
to make people think that i'm fine by always smiling and laughing?
maybe i should...
maybe i will...
i guess i should...
i guess i will...
...the end...
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Saturday, February 03, 2007
8:46 PM
what a week..
english mode..
*ahem..*
what an interesting week this has truly been..
so many things have happened..
waw.. O_o
sunday..
WAR!!!
2..
haaii.. buhay nga nman..
monday..
[the heck!! wag na nga english mode!!! hehe.. ]
aun.. inaus.. tpos..
(T_T)..
basta.. un na un.. ;)
tpos.. shake hands..
aus..
pasenxa na pla kung ndi nio maintindihan ah..
tuesday..
practice pra sa prom..
[waw.. daming nangyari ah.. :P]
wednesday..
aun.. la akong maalala.. heehee.. :P
thursday..
poetry slam finals..
"suntukan"..
wag kang bibitiw baklaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
a-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo...
teehee..
haay.. mga kabaliwan tlga.. :)
friday..
mcdo.. good evening po..
st paul's.. good evening po..
hehe.. aus.. :)
saturday..
1st communion ni anton..
hatid..
yehey!!
ayan..
mlamang wala kaung naintindihan.. hehe..
senxa na..
salamat sa lahat Panginoon..
geh..
bbye!! :)
i love you po kuia jordan.. :) :-*
...the end...
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